I want to focus on liars today. Whether we are at the office or at home, they can have a major impact on our lives. I believe we have all told lies and hopefully have learned that lying is wrong. There is a liar that is the worst of the worst. Not just any kind of liar, the liars I want to focus on today are those who lie intentionally to hurt others. These liars know the truth and suffer major character flaws and personal insecurities which prevent them from admitting their actions were wrong. These kind of liars are individuals who typically have lost their way, suffer from issues related to anger, and enjoy bringing pain to those they hurt with their lies.
If you are suffering from someone in your life who is telling lies to hurt you, there are several things you can do.
First, change your attitude. Instead of being a victim, shift your attitude to being a survivor. Go from being knocked down and surprised to saying, “I am still standing – and I am going to keep standing - right here as your lies unfold.” Remember, the truth is on your side and as time passes the truth will be known and the liar will face the consequence of that truth.
Second, resist hating those who have lied and hurt you AND those who believe in the liars. Most individuals who lie intentionally to hurt others have a very difficult time coping with reality. The liars are most likely to be narcissists or sociopaths – incapable of empathizing with others and in strong need of serious mental health intervention. Those who believe in these sick individuals may not be at fault. Typically those who lie to hurt people are like politicians and they tend to play the game of emotions perfectly. Go from hatred to sympathy. Instead of hating these people, feel sorry for them as what they have produced in the world will inevitably come back to them. In time, they too will suffer from their condition.
Finally, move on with your life. The world is a huge place – both physically and mentally. You cannot move forward in life if you are always looking backwards. They have chosen to lie and you have to choose to move forward. To trust someone who has intentionally lied to hurt you is extremely foolish. To forgive them is one thing – but to forget is another. Forgiveness means you wish them the best – no harm – no ill effects – just wish them well. It is best to forgive and set boundaries keeping this person at a healthy distance as you move forward in life. I can attest that it can feel like hell on earth when those around you believe something about you that is untrue. Truth will not ever be seen in words – it will be seen over time with actions. Look at the liars and let them know you are still standing. Feel sorry for them – for they know not what they do. And move on with your life. You cannot change a liar and it is not your responsibility too. Forgive them but never forget that typically someone who lies to intentionally hurt others may be sick and requiring care which you cannot provide.
Don’t change who you are as a result of what they do. Change what you do as a result of who they are.
If you are a survivor of a liar like this or have any comments about this blog please email me to discuss.